Merry Christmas, Sakuragi
by angel007
Summary: A christmas the gang wish they never had...COMPLETED! Warning:Fluff at the last chapter ^_^; author's postscript added 12/28/02*repost*
1. A Mother's Anguish

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: My early Christmas gift. Hope you'll enjoy it. **

**DISCLAIMER: Slamdunk's not mine. How I wish it is though….sigh**

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**Just this morning, you kissed me as you left for school…**

**_"I'm late! I'm late! Gori's gonna kill me! AIEEEEH!! The coffee's hot!"_**

****

**_"Calm down, Hana-chan. You're not going to be late. Slow down, eat your breakfast. Hana-"_**

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"Sorry 'kasan, I need to run. Practice is at 8. IT'S ALREADY 7:45!" 

You kissed me before you leave the house and I couldn't help but smile at your antics. You're already 16 and yet, you never seemed to grow up. You're still a bundle of energy. I thought you couldn't surprise me anymore. But you still did. I'll never forget that look on your face as you asked me that question. You looked so happy. So radiant. I thought you looked magnificent.

**_"LATE!!!ARRR----..hey mom. What do you want for Christmas?" _**

**I was surprised when I heard that. I was quite amaze at how you easily shift gear. I thought you were just joking…**

**_"Hanamichi, really now! Earlier you were practically panicking because you're late and now you're asking me what do I want for Christmas?"_**

****

**_"Mom! Come on. I'm not joking. What do you want for Christmas?"_**

**You flash your adorable smile at me. How could I refuse you? At that moment, I couldn't help thinking how lucky I was to be your mom. **

"Anything will do…" If you only knew the restrain I put on myself so that I wouldn't cry in front of you.  But I think you understood what I felt at that moment because you only smiled at me and nod your head. And then, you just resumed to being your bubbly self. As if nothing magical and intimate happened between us. 

**_"ARRRGHHH! LAAAATE! Bye 'kasan!"_**

****

**I didn't know what compelled me to call after you. I just felt the need.**

"Hana-kun!" 

"Yes 'kasan?" 

****

I wanted to say I love you but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So I said the next best thing…

**_"Take care."_**

**And then you finally left. How could I know that that would be the last time I would see you smile at me again? **

**_"Ohh..Hana-kun left his lunch. That boy. I'll run after him."_**

****

How could I know what fate had in store for you? For us? 

"Matte!! Hana-kun, your lunch! You forgot your lunch!" 

****

**_"Lunch? Kuso! Mom, wait there. Don't cross."_**

****

**If I only know that, I would have said I love you…**

"WATCH OUT! NO! HANAMICHI!" 

I don't know which was worse: seeing you hit the ground or the look of pure peacefulness on your face as I knelt beside you.

"Okasan…" 

****

**_"Shhhh..Hana-kun. Please don't talk. Please. Save your energy…Don't…don't…"_**

****

**_"Okasan..I love..you…I-I'm sor..ry…but I don't.. think..I..can..get..you..a gi—gift..for..Christ..mas…"_**

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"Hanamichi…Hana-kun…Don't do this to me. Come on, this isn't a good joke. Open your eyes. Stop it! This isn't funny anymore! Ha-Hanamichi…?"

That was just this morning Hanamichi. In fact, barely an hour had passed since you leave me all alone.  It is still morning but evening has already dawn in my life. I don't think I can still carry on, Hana-kun. But I still have one thing to do. 

"Hello? Principal Okita? This is Aiko Sakuragi. There's been an accident, sir. Yes, it involved Hanamichi. No, he's not alright. Principal Okita, Hanamichi is…he's…can you please tell the basketball club? Domo Arigatou."

I can't take it anymore, Hana-kun. I wanted to end this suffering. But I know you wouldn't approve if I take the easy way out. I don't know what else to do. I am left with no other alternative but this…

"Hana..michi…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

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	2. He Left Us

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Part 2 is up people. Man, I'm on a roll. Heh! Anyway, as you might have known by now, this is a death fic. Yes, Sakuragi's dead. Basically this is the reaction of the people around him to his death. Have fun.  
  
DISCLAIMER: Slamdunk's not mine. It belong to Takehiko Inoue. ***********************************************************************  
  
"He's late again! "  
  
"Maa, maa, Akagi. Give Sakuragi a break. It's almost Christmas anyway," Kogure calmed Akagi down  
  
"THAT IS NOT A REASON TO BE LATE!" Akagi stormed off and leaving the visibly shaken Kogure behind. "20 LAPS AROUND THE COURT! NOW!"  
  
"He's scaring me," Kogure shook his head at their captain's 'cruelty'.  
  
"Are you saying something, Kogure?" Akagi said as he stared down at Kogure.  
  
"Ahahah.no," Kogure replied in a small voice. He then started jogging around the court to get away from the fuming Gorilla.  
  
"That guy will never learn," Akagi thought and balefully tighten his fist. Why God did he had to endure this kind of suffering from a junior? Akagi wished that this 'headache' in the form of a certain redhead be taken away from him, even just for a second.  
  
Meanwhile, Ayako and Haruko were happily chatting at the sideline while watching the boys practiced.  
  
"I'm glad your brother decided to help us in our practice for the Winter Interhigh," Ayako glanced at the smiling face of Haruko.  
  
"Hai! He said that Ryota needed all the help that he could get in controlling Sakuragi-kun and Rukawa-kun. You know my brother. He's such a perfectionist," Haruko replied.  
  
"You can say that again. I can't believe that we have to spend our weekends here in school, practicing for the Interhigh. But the boys don't seem to mind,"  
  
Haruko nodded her head in agreement. It looked like the Shohoku basketball team was more determined in winning the Winter Interhigh championship after their early exit from the National tournament. She's also glad that Sakuragi was able to recover fast enough to join them in their practice. Speaking of Sakuragi.  
  
"Ayako, has Sakuragi arrived yet?"  
  
"No. It seems like he's late again. He'll never learn!" Ayako then whip her fan menacingly on her palm, making the other girl distanced herself away from the manageress wrath.  
  
Anzai-sensei was placidly watching his boys do their warm-ups. He's contentedly sipping his tea while assessing how his team had improved in a single year. "Ohohoho," Anzai-sensei laughed with great mirth.  
  
"Why are you laughing?" Mrs. Anzai asked her husband.  
  
"Soon, these boys will dominate the Kanagawa area and then quite possibly, the whole of Japan. Ohohohoho!"  
  
"Ah yes, I can see that. It looks like Rukawa-kun and Sakuragi-kun will lead this team to its greatness,"  
  
"Ohohoho. Yes, I have faith in Rukawa-kun and Sakuragi-kun. But first, they must learn to work together. Ohohohoho!"  
  
"It seems like Sakuragi-kun is late again," Mrs. Anzai said amusingly. Anzai-sensei just laughed his Santa Claus laugh at her observation. Mrs. Anzai smiled inwardly. She knew that her husband treated Sakuragi more than just a protégé. He looked at him as his grandson. He didn't say it out rightly but she always noticed the twinkle in his eyes whenever he talked about how Sakuragi had transformed from a brash young man to a brash young man with good basketball skills. He was obviously amused by the redhead's antic and was actually very lenient at Sakuragi's frolics. Her husband trusted Sakuragi, perhaps even more than the trust he gave Rukawa.  
  
An hour had passed since the practice started and yet, Sakuragi still hasn't arrived. Akagi was practically fuming. "SAKURAGI! He'll regret the day he played hooky!"  
  
"Anou, nichan. Maybe Sakuragi has a reason. You know that Sakuragi will never skip practice without a reason," Haruko tried to calm his brother.  
  
"I don't care if he has a reason or what!" Akagi said and sit angrily at one of the benches. A vein was throbbing at his head and he was turning six shades of red.  
  
"Wow, I have to congratulate Sakuragi when I meet him. It took a great gut to skip practice and anger Gori," Mitsui guffawed as he practice his three- points.  
  
"Do'aho." Rukawa said quietly while practicing his footwork.  
  
Just then, the principal entered the gym, surprising the whole basketball club.  
  
"Oi, which of you did any mischief?" Kogure said just loud enough for the basketball club to hear.  
  
"I'm pretty sure it's not us. Must be Sakuragi," Ryota replied cheekily. Ayako hit Ryota on the head. "RYOTA MIYAGI!"  
  
"Itai! Aya-chan, you don't love me anymore?"  
  
Ryota received another hit on the head as his answer. "I guess not."  
  
"What are you doing!?! Continue practicing!" Akagi's booming voice resonated in the gym. Akagi then went to where the principal and Anzai- sensei was talking to know what's the matter.  
  
"Ah, Akagi-kun, I'm glad you're here," Principal Okita greeted Akagi. "I was just telling Anzai-sensei how the basketball team had improved."  
  
"Thank you, Principal Okita," Akagi replied graciously but he noticed the tortured look on his face. Akagi couldn't help but be nervous on the real reason why Okita-san was here.  
  
"There's one member missing, isn't it" Okita said quietly.  
  
"Ah yes. Sakuragi-kun seemed to be late," Anzai-sensei replied.  
  
"That Sakuragi is always a troublemaker. I hope he hadn't bothered you or anything Principal Okita because if he did, I'll." but Akagi was immediately cut off by Okita.  
  
"There's been an accident this morning, Akagi-san, Anzai-sensei."  
  
"An accident, Okita-san?" Anzai-sensei inquired.  
  
"Yes, Anzai-san. A boy from our school. A car hit him this morning while going to school. He's de.he didn't make it." Okita dejectedly said.  
  
Akagi had a sudden dread to who the boy way. "Please don't let it be him."  
  
"Do we know him? Is he a former basketball player?" Anzai-sensei said while trying to maintain his nerves.  
  
But Okita didn't reply. He merely looked at the basketball team then back at Anzai-sensei's inquiring gaze. He hung his head in grievance. Principal Okita couldn't bring himself to tell him that it was Sakuragi. But he didn't need to tell Anzai who it was. The Shohoku coach already guessed who it was just by the look on Okita's face.  
  
Akagi was speechless. "No, it can't be.it can't be." Akagi gibberishly said as he felt his knees weaken. He slumped on one of the chair with a stunned look on his face. Akagi looked up on Anzai-sensei who had turned pale.  
  
"Sakuragi-kun."  
  
The sound of the teacup crashing on the floor caught the attention of the whole team. A thick sense of dread envelope the whole team. Something bad had happened. They knew it. But what is it?  
  
"Oniichan?" Haruko advanced meekly at his brother's slump form. "Oniichan, what happen? Oniichan.?"  
  
Akagi merely looked at her, as if he was seeing right through her. "Oniichan.is it about Sakuragi? What happen?"  
  
"Haruko.Sakuragi.he's.he's gone,"  
  
"No.no.you're joking. He can't be dead."  
  
But Akagi just merely looked through her. That look just confirmed Haruko's dread.  
  
Haruko backed away from his brother. "No, it can't be," she said inaudibly, "Sakuragi promised that he'll tell me something today.so ."  
  
Akagi finally stood up from his seat. He could feel the questioning glare of his teammates. He could almost sense their dread. He wanted to tell them the truth but his sister was far more important right now. He had to be strong for the both of them.  
  
"He can't be dead, niichan.he promised me something." Haruko looked at his brother as if forcing him to recant his statement. "He promised.so you see niichan, he can't be dead." Haruko's vision was blurring right now. She couldn't understand what was happening around. She couldn't see how Okita broke the news to the team. She didn't see how Ayako broke down and had to be supported by Miyagi. She couldn't hear the sound of the basketball hitting the floor in unison. She didn't notice how Mitsui cried shamelessly or how Kogure smashed the floor with his hand until it bleed. She would have found it funny to see Rukawa turned even whiter. She would have gone immediately at Anzai-sensei's side to console the old man. But apparently, she didn't care what was happening around her. All she cared about right now was that someone should wake her up from this bad dream. Haruko felt her brother's consoling hand on his shoulder. "Haruko.be strong,"  
  
But Haruko just looked at Akagi. "Did you know that he asked me yesterday what do I want for Christmas? I couldn't answer him because it's too personal," Haruko said to no one in particular. A half-crazed smile was playing on her lips. "Christmas is about 2 weeks away, niichan. Do you think Sakuragi will like a new varsity jacket? It would look good on him. Hahaha." Haruko laughed weakly.  
  
"Haruko. Sakuragi's dead,"  
  
The smile turned to a look of pain. Haruko's unfocused eyes finally saw what was happening around her. A great understanding had come to her. And when the understanding came, she gave way to the anguish eating her up.  
  
"Hanamichi!" 


	3. Pain

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapter 3 is up. I hope this one will be less angsty. All texts in italics are (supposed to be) in flashback. I hope my html works this time. This chapter is quite short but it's sweet ^_^ . Toshihiki was the student who went to America and got killed in a car accident. 

DISCLAIMER: Slamdunk is mine…in my dreams.

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"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust…" 

Has it been three days already since Sakuragi died? Has it only been 2 hours since Sakuragi was buried? Time really did move fast. And yet, Anzai wished that time had moved slowly when Sakuragi was still alive.

_"Sayonara, Sakuragi-kun,_" _Coach Anzai threw a yellow rose on Sakuragi's coffin as it was being laid down on earth. He could hear stifled sobs around him, a sign that the lively boy was really well loved by his teammates. The team had experienced a rebirth when Sakuragi came into the picture. But in his death, it seemed like the team died as well. _

Anzai lay on his bed. He felt a certain numbness that had returned once again. 

"Do you remember him again?" Mrs. Anzai sat beside her husband.

"Sakuragi?"

"No, the other one…"

Anzai faced away from his wife.  "You know me too well."

"Toshihiko's death was not your fault. How could you prevent his accident from happening?" Mrs. Anzai sighed, "So is Sakuragi's death. You can't prevent it from happening either. So stop blaming yourself,"

"Why do bad things happen to good people?"

Mrs. Anzai smiled in spite of the gloomy situation. "Why do the one left behind always ask that question?" 

"Why shouldn't they?"

Mrs. Anzai continued, "Maybe it's not about bad things happening to good people,"

"Then what is it? Why do the person I cared for always died at the end?"

Mrs. Anzai gazed at their Japanese garden through the half-open door. "The lotus is in bloom…"

"The lotus…?" Anzai asked.

Mrs. Anzai sighed then said, "Maybe it's not really about bad things happening on good people," she paused, "…. maybe it happen because it is bound to happen."

Anzai was startled. He opened his mouth as if to speak but Mrs. Anzai was not yet finished.

"They died not because some forces wanted to hurt you…to hurt us…maybe they wanted us to learn something."

"But what do I need to learn?"

"I don't know. You'll be the one to find it out. You've been there before and you survive it. In Toshihiki's death you had learned to assess what you've been doing wrong. You survive his death. What makes you think you can't survive this one?" Mrs. Anzai placed a comforting hand on Anzai's shoulder. "There will be pain. But you have to be strong. I don't think Sakuragi-kun wanted you to be grieving for a long time…"

Mrs. Anzai stood up and left her husband in his reverie.

Anzai rose from his bed and went out into their garden. He could almost hear Sakuragi's trademark laugh echoing in their garden. It brought him a peace of mind and it lift the numbness that he was feeling. He could still feel a tinge of pain but it was better than to be numb about his death.

"She's right. The lotus is really in bloom…"


	4. Reconnecting Ties

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hey, guys! I haven't update this story for a long time. The lazy bug bit me. Oh well, that's water under the bridge now. Here's chapter 4.

LEGEND:

_"italic" – thoughts_

_plain italic – flashback_

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Slamdunk. All copyrights belong  to Takehiko Inoue.

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            He never really smoke. Just a single stick every now and then but he wasn't a chronic smoker by anyone's standard. Even when he was still with Tetsuo and his gang, he was never into these vices. And though his parents suspected that he's taking drugs, the only drug that he was really addicted to was caffeine. After he had joined the basketball club again, he had practically sworn off cigarettes in his life. But today was different. Mitsui just couldn't stand the sadness that seemed to had dawn over the school and most especially the basketball club. Heck, even some basketball members from different schools attended Sakuragi's funeral. It was really quite surprising to see some of their opponents like Maki, Sendoh and Uozomi paying their last respect to Sakuragi. It was even more surprising to see the throng that attended the redhead's funeral. It seemed like the brash, loudmouth boy had quite a number of friends. "Lucky bastard…" Mitsui muttered but he couldn't help getting misty-eyed.

            He missed that redhead monkey. It has just been four days since Sakuragi had passed away and yet, the place had that eerie quiet that's practically ramming into his head the void that Sakuragi left. He would have preferred to have a basketball practice today and hear the rhythmic thump of the basketball rather than settling for this peace. But Akagi and Coach Anzai called off practice today as a sign of respect for Hanamichi. But Mitsui just couldn't bear staying still and have his mind be flooded with Sakuragi's memory. It just too damn painful. With nothing else left to do, he grab a ball and headed to the nearest court. 

            While walking towards the court, Mitsui was finishing his single stick of cigarette when he heard the sound of the basketball bouncing on the ground. _"Who could that be?" He quickly put off his cigarettes and headed toward the court. Mitsui smiled inwardly when he saw who was at the court. "Rukawa!"_

            Meanwhile, Rukawa was busy practicing his lay-ups and his three-point shots. Like always, his face was emotionless and as cold as ice. But upon closer inspection, a hint of determination was etched on his face as if Rukawa was battling an unknown opponent. He would swerved to the left then to the right, then did a fake before he attempted a fade away shot that hit the rim before finally going in. Rukawa, seeing that his shot went in, slump on the pavement and wiped his forehead. _"Do'aho." Rukawa thought. _

"Rukawa!"

The raven haired boy turned at the direction of the voice and saw Mitsui jogging towards him. Rukawa stood up as a sign of respect and greeted the older boy. "Sempai…" Rukawa bowed before he fished out his bottled water into his bag. 

"Nice move you got there." Mitsui praised his kohai as he watched him took seat once again. Rukawa just slump his head so that Mitsui wouldn't able to see any trace of sadness that might come into his eyes. Little did Mitsui know that Rukawa tried that move on Sakuragi. It was the day before the redhead's death and as usual, Sakuragi challenged him to a one-on-one. Sakuragi lost but not that badly. The score was 10-6, in favor of Rukawa. 

_Both boys was sweating heavily and catching their breath as they face-off against each other. The score was 8-6 in favor of the 'kitsune'. _

_"NYAHAHAHAHAH! I'll beat you kitsune!" Sakuragi boasted as usual. Rukawa just gave him what sounded like a grunt. He dribbled the ball, thinking of his next move. Sakuragi posted his defense. "Come on, kitsune." Sakuragi said with a half-smile on his lips. Rukawa just smirked at him. _

_Rukawa dribbled again then attempted his move. He swerved left then to the right. Sakuragi's defense was sticky and Rukawa could barely saw an opening to shoot. He swerved again to the left then did a fake to the right. He thought that Sakuragi took his fake so he did a fade away. But apparently Sakuragi wasn't that dumb anymore in basketball. _

_Sakuragi saw that Rukawa did a fade away shot. "Not in my court, pal!" Sakuragi jumped at the same time Rukawa attempted his shot. Rukawa was stunned to see that Sakuragi perfectly blocked his jumper. The ball bounced before rolling off in mid-court Sakuragi did his tensai pose and laughed his ass off. "NYAHAHAHAHAHA! The tensai just proved once again his tensainess! NYAHAHAHAHAH!"_

_"Tensainess?" Rukawa looked at Sakuragi's laughing form then at the unattended ball at mid-court. An evil glint passed his eyes. He left Sakuragi to his bragging and retrieved the ball. Without even being noticed by Sakuragi, Rukawa went near the goal and simply throw the ball at the ring. It went in. "I won." Sakuragi, who was busy laughing, was suddenly cut-off. "NYAHAHA-Nani!?!" Rukawa picked up the ball and shoot the ball again. "I won." He repeated. Sakuragi's face went from shock to annoyance. _

_"ARRRRGHHH! Kitsune, you cheated!"_

_"Iie."_

_"You cheated!"_

_"Iie."_

_"You cheated!"_

_Rukawa stared Sakuragi's fuming face. The electricity was thick in the air. Finally…_

_"Do'aho."_

_"TEME!!!!!"_

_            As usual, the one-on-one ended in a brawl. After a couple of kicks, punches, and a good number of bruises, both boys were sprawled on the floor panting. Sakuragi was the first one to recover. "Grrrr. Damn you kitsune! Next time, I swear." Sakuragi huffed and puffed. Rukawa remained silent while catching his breath. Then the latter stood up and went to the locker room. "Matte, kitsune!"_

_            Rukawa stopped at his tracks without looking back at the redhead. "Oi, kitsune. What's your Christmas wish?" Rukawa couldn't help but face-faulted at Sakuragi's question. "That's none of your business." He replied coolly. Sakuragi growled under his breath and didn't pursue the matter. "Damn kitsune! I was being nice to him. Why did I even bother to ask. Grrr.Stupid. Stupid kitsune! Arrrgggh!" Sakuragi banged his head on the floor._

_ Rukawa continued walking but he could hear Sakuragi muttering and giving the poor floor a mighty dent. Rukawa thought that it wouldn't hurt if he would just answer his question. "To be the number 1 in Japan." Rukawa said quietly. "Ore?" Sakuragi looked up from the floor. "I want to be the number 1 in Japan." Does he need to repeat everything he said tonight? Suddenly, the self-proclaimed tensai gave out a big laugh. "NYAHAHAHAHAHAH! It won't happen while the tensai is still here! NYAHAHAHAHA! Besides, you can't even beat Sendoh! NYAAHAHAHAH!" Sakuragi was practically rolling on the floor. _

_ A vein popped in Rukawa's head at Sakuragi's last remark. Rukawa wasn't such a violent person, mind you. But this redhead just piqued his ire. He strode on the laughing idiot and gave him a kick in the butt._

_ "TEME RUKAWA! What did you do that for?"    _

_"Do'aho."_

_"RUKAWA!"_

_            The two ended up in a fisticuff once again.       ___

"Rukawa. Rukawa!"

            The young man turned to Mitsui. He had sat there dazed and he wasn't mindful of what his sempai was saying. Mitsui just gave him an odd look then smile knowingly. "You miss him, too." Rukawa glanced at Mitsui briefly then averted his eyes. "Why would I miss that baka?" 

            "Tsk. Just admit it." Mitsui sat beside the raven haired boy. Rukawa kept his silence. Mitsui glanced once again at the boy beside him and said, "He would have been your biggest rival in the two or three years time." Seeing that Rukawa was as quiet as ever, Mitsui continued what he was saying. "It would be very funny to see you two working together. I can't imagine when will that time comes. You could be best friends you know." Mitsui couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Rukawa and Sakuragi being the best buddy. Not a minute passed without them snarling at each other's throat, for God's sake. 

"I don't know him."

"What?" Mitsui asked, surprised.

"I don't know him, sempai." Mitsui stared at the boy's passive face and saw a hint of sadness that marred Rukawa's face. "How could I befriend him when I don't even know him?"

Mitsui smiled half-heartedly. "Are you regretting the fact that you always seemed to pick fight with him?" Rukawa looked at him surprisingly. "That you are cold and aloof with him? That you had never let him win any of your one-on-one basketball matches?" Mitsui looked intently at the younger boy. "Rukawa, I think you know him better than we all do." Mitsui stood up and shot a three-pointer. The ball went in. But instead of retrieving the ball, Mitsui continued what he was saying. "You could have let him win in those matches but you didn't. You knew that Sakuragi's pride was at stake. And yours too. Both of you brought out the best in each other. You just didn't notice it but if you only saw how good your partnership with him on court…" Mitsui sighed then brushed an imaginary lint off his shirt. "That partnership wouldn't happen if you didn't know each other very well." Rukawa's head immediately shot up at Mitsui's last sentence. "Think about it." Mitsui grabbed his basketball and gave a small wave to Rukawa before finally leaving the court.

Rukawa looked up at the sky, pondering over what Mitsui said. The day seemed to be a little brighter after Mitsui's little talk. "Good partnership, huh." And then Rukawa smiled.

Mitsui, on the other hand, stopped by at Danny's for a drink. He really missed that baka. He had a lot to be thankful for Sakuragi. Mitsui knew he wouldn't be back in the basketball club without Sakuragi and his gundan taking the blame for him beating up the basketball club. And he would have been dead right now if Sakuragi didn't arrive on time to save him from his former gangster friends. "That baka. I'm getting sentimental because of him." Mitsui remembered one their last talk together. Sakuragi peculiarly asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

_"Oi, Micchi."_

_"Stop calling me that!"_

_"Fine! Then oyaji!"_

_Mitsui sighed resignedly. "Micchi is better…"_

_"NYAHAHAHAHAHA! Someone doesn't want to admit that he's an old man!"_

_Mitsui gave Sakuragi a whack in the head. "BAKA!"_

_"ITAI! Why did you do that to the tensai! Micchi-baka. Gori the second. Che!"_

_Mitsui shook his head in resignation. This boy will not learn any respect. "What is it baka?" Sakuragi acted as if he hadn't heard the last remark. "Oi, what's your Christmas wish?" Mitsui gave him another whack in the head. "Why do you asked that, baka!?!" Sakuragi hold his throbbing head. He felt a bump forming. "Itai…Hey, I'm being kind here!" Mitsui looked at the bumbling redhead, as if waiting for the punchline to come. _

_"Well?"_

_"Well, what? That's none of yo-" But Mitsui was promptly cut off by Sakuragi. "GAAAAAA! Look at the time! My mother's going to kill me! Micchi, just tell me tomorrow, ok?" Just like that Sakuragi quickly dashed away, leaving a stunned Mitsui behind._

_Mitsui watched the retreating back of Sakuragi and smiled inwardly. In his heart, he knew what he wanted. "A family…I want a family for Christmas."_

            He never did tell Sakuragi his wish. He couldn't possibly do it now that he's gone. He envied Sakuragi. The redhead was obviously well loved by his mother. Unlike his parents…a small sigh escaped Mitsui's lips. Sure he had money. His parents were even kind enough to buy him an expensive false teeth so he wouldn't be insecure to walk down their school with front teeth missing. But Mitsui just didn't care about money. He wanted their attention. But they didn't gave it to him so he turned to basketball. And when basketball was almost taken away from him, he turned to Tetsuo and his gang. Besides, his parents barely trusted him even when he returned to basketball. 

            It's not as if, they didn't try to reach out to him. It just that, the wound and the distance between them had grown so much that it was almost impossible to mend it. Mitsui's finished his iced tea and stood up. Too much thinking was giving him a bad headache. 

            After a few minutes, Mitsui finally reached his home. He found the door open and was greeted by the sight of his parents waiting for him at the living room. "Tadaima." Mitsui said without even looking at the two figures and was almost at the stairs when he was called back. "Where have you been?" His mother asked softly. "Your mother was worried about you." His father added. Here goes their suspicion again. "Look, I'm not with any gang alright? I just went to the court and shoot some hoops then went to Danny's for a drink." Mitsui replied almost exasperatingly. 

"Look honey…we're just worried about you."

"Stop worrying, mom! I'm already grown-up. Don't treat me like a baby!" A deafening silence hung over them. Mitsui was the first one to broke the silence. "Look…I'm going to my room, now. Goodnight."

"We just don't want anything bad happening to you…especially after what happened to Sakuragi." 

Mitsui looked at his dad and for the first time, he noticed how old he had become. In a span of two years since he rebelled, Mitsui's dad became old from too much worrying for his son's safety. Mitsui realized that if he wanted a family, maybe he should be the one to patch up this old wounds that he himself helped create. 

"I'm sorry for making you worry…It just that…"

"Maybe we should have a little talk." His mother suggested. Mitsui's father looked at him hopefully. He wanted to make this family whole again and finally mend the distance between him and his son. Mitsui looked at both his parents and smiled. 

"Yeah, a talk would be nice."__


	5. The Dream, The End

_"Where am I? What's happening?" Haruko looked around her surrounding but found it futile. It's too dark. The only thing illuminated was her. It was like she was in outer space, in the twilight zone. She could feel cold sweat running in her skin. Her breath was getting ragged. She could hear her blood pounding in her ear. She also noticed that she was shaking a little. "Hello! Is anybody here?"_

_Suddenly a bright flash of light sprung out of nowhere. She closed her eyes instinctively so as not to be blinded by it. Then slowly, deliberately, she opened her eyes and saw that she was suddenly in a grassy field that looked awful lot like…_

_"The cemetery. Why am I in the cemetery?" _

_Haruko, with a wistful gaze in her eyes, walked around the cemetery. She felt that her feet took a life of its own. It's leading her somewhere. A place she knew very well though she never visited it again after the burial. After some time, she arrived at Sakuragi's burial ground. _

_Tears involuntarily welled up in her eyes at the sight of the deceased redhead's grave marker. It was under a Sakura tree – Sakuragi's favorite flower (they were very surprised when Yohei told them that). Sakura petals were scattered on the grave and a soft wind was rustling the tree's petals causing a handful of Sakura's to rain down gently on Haruko. It was magical as dozens of petals fell, as if dancing in the rhythm of a silent ballad. It could have been beautiful to look at if only she wasn't in this place. Fresh tears welled up again in Haruko's eyes as she bent down to touch the freshly dug soil. _

_Freshly dug, moist soil… as if someone had intentionally tried to desecrate this sacred place. As if someone had get out. Someone that shouldn't had gotten out. _

_"Haruko…"_

_The girl looked up, unmasked horror seen in her eyes. Haruko had gone livid when she saw towering in front of her was none other than Sakuragi Hanamichi. Dirty, rotting and bloody in his burial clothes, Sakuragi Hanamichi was looking at her with great sadness. Haruko, in spite of her terror, couldn't understand the look in his eyes. She wanted to ask what was going on but found that she couldn't produce a coherent sound. With slow, deliberate movement, Sakuragi bent down beside her and took hold of her hand. For a guy that was supposed to be dead, Haruko noticed that his hand was relatively warm. A little ironic twist in this madness. Then with her hand guided by Sakuragi, they dug up the soil once again. Deeper and deeper until finally it was deep enough. _

_Haruko was still terrified by the sight of Sakuragi and his actions. His hands never let go of hers. Haruko looked up at Sakuragi's face and found again that sadness marring his face. She felt that he let go of her hand but still his gaze never left hers. Haruko wanted to turn away but to her great dismay, she just couldn't. She didn't know how long they stared at each other, transfixed. Until suddenly, Sakuragi turned away his gaze from her then looked at the grave. He jumped instantly and lay down at the cold earth. He set his eyes again at Haruko. _

_Haruko, as if acted upon by some force, began to put soil over Sakuragi's body. Again, she was horrified at this little display her body was making. She wanted to stop herself because even if she was terrified to see him, she couldn't bear to be away from him again. But she had no control over her body. Her hand was still dumping soil on Sakuragi. And as she dumped more soil, the sadness in Sakuragi's eyes became so intolerable that she wanted to turn away her head. But she just couldn't do it also. Her head was fixed in Sakuragi's direction._

_That's how it went for what seemed like eternity. He was looking at her sorrowfully while she sat there transfix, enduring that painful looked as she continuously dumped soil on him until nothing could be seen of Sakuragi Hanamichi._

_********_

Haruko didn't know how long was she awaked, staring at the ceiling, recounting her dream over and over again. It was disturbing to say the least. Especially to see _him in all his decomposing glory. She wanted to make something out of that dream but she couldn't understand it. Why? Why that dream? Why that look? And she just couldn't go back to sleep because of that look. The moment she closed her eyes, she could see Sakuragi looking at him sorrowfully, almost reproachfully. And Haruko couldn't stand the pain that look brought upon her._

********

"Bye oniichan!"

Akagi Takenori watched the cheerful form of her sister as she went out of the house. It has been a week since Sakuragi died and almost all those who knew him were in  somber mood. But everything was normalizing again. Or rather, everyone was trying to be normal out of this strange situation in which the loud mouthed boy was out of their life. 

"I'm glad that your sister is back to her normal self again" Mrs. Takenori said as she cleaned the dishes.

"That's what I'm afraid of…she's just too normal," Akagi reminded himself as he absentmindedly tore the edges of the newspaper.

Meanwhile, Haruko was still bothered by her dream. It was senseless but it was frightening. To see herself re-burying Sakuragi though she was unwilling, it was enough to keep her awake through out the dawn. She tried to brush away the images of her dream and continued on her way to school. She'll pretend nothing horrible had happened and she will put up a smile. Yes, a smile so that no one will ask how much pain she was into. "I hate you Sakuragi Hanamichi…" she said morosely under her breath. 

********

Yohei was walking toward Shohoku high with the three other gundan. It was unusual to see the typically boisterous group in a somber mood. A veil of sadness still lingers within the clique and it was etched on their faces. Yohei knew all along that it was really Sakuragi who kept this group together. He was the glue in their tiny circle of friends. Now that he's gone, the crack in their group was becoming bigger. No one really mentioned it directly but Yohei could feel that they were drifting apart. Even he himself couldn't bear to be with his group for a long while. They just reminded him of Sakuragi and his antics. This walk to the school every morning had become a ritual to them. It was so sad when Yohei dwelled on this matter. Years of friendship going down the drain. Yeah, it was really sad. 

"Well…here we are," Ohkusu said as the gundan reach the Shohoku high school gate.

"So…see you this afternoon then? How about a little round of Pachinko?" Yohei nonchalantly said, hoping that all three would agree.

Takamiya hung his head dejectedly to avoid Yohei's glance. "Uhm, I can't. I promise my grandmother that I would help her in the grocery store today." 

"Oh, ok. How about you Noma? I can feel lady luck will be smiling upon us?" Yohei looked hopefully at Noma with a strained smile on his lips.

But just like Takamiya, Noma averted his gaze and focus it on an uninteresting tuff of grass on the ground. "I can't, Yohei. I need to…uhm, study. My old man is getting angry that I'm getting low grades in school."

Yohei painfully nodded and turned his gaze at Ohkusu. "Well, I guess it's you and me then Ohkusu, ne?"

"I can't , too. Sorry. I'll be working down at the beach."

"It's winter." Yohei blurted as a matter of fact.

"Well, you never know," Ohkusu laughed uneasily. "There might be some crazy bums out there wanting to surf."

Yohei nodded resignedly and forced himself to smile. "That's ok you, guys! But you won't get a single cent from me when I won that jackpot." But Yohei was only met by an uncomfortable silence. "Well, I think we have to go." He said to the others. Takamiya and Noma just looked at him almost apologetically before going to their respective classes. Ohkusu started to walk away also but stopped and looked back at Yohei. 

"It's not you Yohei. It just that…we're all going through tough times."

"I know." And Yohei just stood outside the gate, watching his friends carry on with their life or what remained of it. Will their friendship survived this test of Fate? Will they crumble and die also in the face of this great challenge, without the fiery red head by their side. The truth is, Yohei was too scared to know the answer. He didn't want to admit it, but he thought this was the end of the once proud and mighty Sakuragi gundan.


	6. Yohei's Wish

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wasn't able to put up an AN last chapter because I was so much in a hurry to upload the fic (my conscience was bothering me for letting the fic stagnate for a while). Anyway, I sure hope you'll like this fic. The end is near for this little fic of mine so check this fic out always. Ciao!

DISCLAIMER: I think I've made myself clear when I said Slamdunk wasn't mine. 

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"What is the anti-derivative of (7x2 + 8)/x ?"

"The answer is 7x2 + ln x8." Kogure thought idly as he half-heartedly listened to his Math teacher went on and on about anti-derivatives. He didn't even break a sweat on the problem. But of course, he kept his mouth shut and kept also his answer to himself. He didn't want to be called a know-it-all, which was very tragic because Kogure was a very intelligent boy (second only to Akagi in their batch but nevertheless still considered brilliant).  Intelligent but extremely shy and reserve. 

But the bespectacled young man wasn't usually this bored in any subject, particularly Math. It just that his heart wasn't into anything right now. The death of his former team mate weighed upon him so much that he found it hard to concentrate on his lesson. The memory of the painful news was still fresh in his mind and on his body. His right hand was still covered in bandages.

Kogure looked at his damaged hand and wondered once again why he erupted like that.  He was a relatively peaceful person and angry outburst was not his second nature. Yet, the sudden break out of Sakuragi's death had made him forget of his peaceful nature. The funny thing was he actually had no memory whatsoever of his violent eruption. He remembered seeing black which turned to a searing white and then after a while (he really had no idea how long), he looked down at his hand and found it bleeding. He had to be led away to the ER to quickly close his wounds. After the incident, Kogure couldn't looked straight at his grandmother, as if he was expecting a tongue lashing the time he met his grandma's sharp eyes. But to Kogure's relief, she had remained quiet throughout the ordeal and let him managed his own anger and disappointment.

Kogure sighed and unconsciously pinched the bridge of his nose. All of these memories were giving him a major head ache. He reluctantly shifted his attention back at their boring lesson and tried hard to listen to their teacher telling them the fascinating world of anti-derivatives.

********

 The hours went by quickly and one school day had been finished again. Kogure hurriedly went out of their building and didn't give as much as a backward glance to it. In any other day, Kogure would have darted straight to the library. But he thought it would be better if he would get away from this school for a while. He couldn't think of a better place to stay than at Danny's. With renewed vigor, Kogure headed towards Danny's to cool his head off.

 He was thankful that practice was still canceled for today. The idea of returning to the court and seeing the incomplete roster of the team would be too much for him to take. He was silently thanking Anzai-sensei for the cancellation. Besides, even if there is a practice, he wouldn't come anyway. He had to sort out his muddled thoughts about life and death. Kogure clutched at his jacket tightly as he continued his long, brooding walk to Danny's.

Meanwhile, down at the Pachinko place, Yohei stood awkwardly outside its door. He was not used to being alone, without the three boisterous guys on his side. It was so quiet it might as well be the end of the world. Is this really the end of their group? Yohei let out a long sigh as he turned away from the place and walked away. "It's not the same without them," he said quietly, referring to the three. It was bad enough that Sakuragi had to die like that and left them. It was worst to see them falling apart. 

Yohei let out a sigh again and kicked an imaginary pebble blocking his way. How many years had it been since they knew each other? It seemed like only yesterday when they were so young, carefree and innocent ("Ok, maybe not too innocent," Yohei thought grumpily), setting off a practical joke or two almost every minute, picking up a fight almost every second. How he wish he could go back to that time when they were all happy, when Sakuragi was still alive.

Sakuragi. He chose them. He's the one who chose them to be his friends and formed this outcast bunch of friends. It was like he knew all along who he needed by his side. Sakuragi could have chosen those strong, muscular, goon-type of guys to be his friends. But no. He chose those who were an outcast liked him. Sakuragi was an outcast because of his red hair (It was really natural. Sakuragi plucked out a single strand of hair one time and showed them that it was really of reddish color from root to tip. He then gave the four them a head butt because they "tarnish his good looks"); Takamiya because of his enormous size; Ohkusu because of his outdated hair style and hair color; Noma because he looked like a father more than he looked like a student; and him…Yohei might looked like the only normal person in the wacky bunch. But Sakuragi did see through him. Sakuragi saw a boy who was too quiet, too reflective, too angry at the world. 

Sakuragi spotted him at one of the bushes in their school, bleeding and defeated. Yohei had an "encounter" with one of the gangs in their junior high school and he couldn't possibly defend himself in a lopsided battle: 5 against 1. When Sakuragi saw him, he looked at him in such a way that Yohei felt he was such a weakling. He was really angry and challenged the red head to a fight. But to his surprise, Sakuragi let out a guffaw and before Yohei knew it, the red head was literally rolling on the grass laughing at his sorry state. His first instinct was to beat the boy but then Yohei saw that he really looked awful and funny lying in one of the bushes, bleeding and tattered everywhere. Tried as much as he wanted to keep himself from laughing, Sakuragi's laugh was so infectious that within minutes, he was beside the red head and laughing also. From then on, their unusual group of five would be seen together everywhere. As each day passed, Yohei slowly warmed up and lighten up because of his four friends happy (albeit sometimes idiotic) countenance. Them being a social outcast only bond the group more and it kept on getting stronger everyday.

Or so he thought. Sakuragi's death had caught them by surprised and it rocked their friendship. Suddenly, each of the remaining gundan didn't know what to do and where to go without Sakuragi. They wobbled without the loud mouthed baka. Life was easier when they were together. Now, Yohei didn't know where they should head to. Maybe it was really the end for them.       

Suddenly, Yohei heard a door slam shut behind him followed by the crashing sound of limbs onto pavement and followed again by a mix of curses too inappropriate for a child to hear. He looked back and saw a mass of tangled limbs trying to unlock itself from the uncomfortable positions it were into only to fail miserably and get more entangled. Yohei was fighting the urge to laugh as he recognized to whom those limbs belong to. He did control his laughter but he couldn't quite stop the snort that escape from his underbelly to his nose.

The three members of the gundan looked at the direction of the snort and instantly scrambled to get up but they only managed to fall back down again. At this comic display, Yohei couldn't prevent the chortle that came out from his mouth.

"YOHEI YOU BASTARD! STOP LAUGHING AND HELP US RIGHT NOW!" cried an embarrassed Ohkusu as he unsuccessfully manage to free his self from the other two's limb (Takamiya's massive legs was on top of his stomach and it was causing him a difficulty to breathe). But the bastard just continue to do what was unmistakably a snort and left the three of them settle this difficult position they were into. After about 10 minutes or so, the three was able to free themselves from each other and quickly stand up. Yohei stopped laughing immediately and looked at the three, amusement clearly seen in his eyes. Takamiya was the first to speak up.

"Yohei…ah, er…uhm…we were hoping to find you there." 

"But that asshole of a manager kicked us out even before we got inside." Noma added sullenly. 

An uncomfortable silence settled once again in their group and the four of them were darting their eyes from one to the other like a carousel. It was making Yohei dizzy.

"Can we stop this? It's making me dizzy." Yohei said as he shook his head to remove his dizziness.

"Well, now that we found you…I think we should be going." Ohkusu said and he added a weak laugh at the end of  his sentence. 

For a group that should be going, the three were making a very good impression of a statue. Yohei looked at his friends and waited for them just in case they still have another thing to add. "Well…yeah, I think you should get going. Your grandmother might be waiting for you Takamiya," Yohei said and then turned to Noma, "You too, Noma. Don't want to get your old man hyperventilate at your bad grades again, do you? You better get going. Ohkusu, you should head down to the beach. Sometimes, crazy bums do appear and surf at the middle of winter." Ohkusu blushed so furiously that his color was crashing horribly with his blond hair. "I better get going, too." With a slight wave, Yohei turned around again and walked away from his friends. "I'm alone again…" he thought miserably. Suddenly, he heard his name being called back by the other three. 

"YOHEI! CARE TO JOIN US FOR A ROUND OF PACHINKO?"

Yohei, embarrassed, turned around and glare at the utter loud mouthedness of his friends. "Great, shout it out, why don't you. Oh no, wait you did that already!" Yohei muttered under his breath and glared murderously at the trio. He then glared at the three old ladies pointing at them and eyeing with them with great disdain. He was satisfied to see the old hags scampered away.  He turned his attention again to the trio who were now turning six shads of red from holding their laughter. Yohei eyed them again menacingly but to his horror, his mouth was beginning to twitch also. "Must keep focus, must keep focus…kill, kill, kill!" he chanted this murderous thought over and over again but his body was having a mind of its own and before he knew it, he was laughing at the stupidity they were all in. 

The three boys on the other side were clutching each other for dear life. Tears were welling up in their eyes and the people were eyeing them suspiciously.

"Did-did you-see that look on the-their fa-faces!!" Noma wheezed as he chortled again at the memory of that event.

"Poor them…our little Yohei-kun scwared them to dweath.." Takamiya said as he clutch his side from too much laughing. At the background, a vein was popping in Yohei's head. "_Little?" Yohei quietly said as he glanced venomously at Takamiya and thought of 101 ways to kill that pig._

Wait a minute. Did he just miss something here? Did they just invite him to a round of Pachinko? Yohei looked at the trio questioningly. As if sensing his inquiry, Ohkusu spoke up. "We just thought that…er…since Sakuragi's gone now, it would be better if we stick together as friends." Ohkusu finished, putting an emphasis on the word friends. "We're still friends, right?" Noma asked uncertainly to the group. Yohei wanted to answer that they are but he found that you couldn't really speak up well if there's something heavy blocking your throat: like tears that was threatening to spill at his eyes and would incapacitate him to string coherent words at the moment. Yohei looked at the three on the other side and saw that they too seemed to be having the same dilemma as his. Fighting the urge to cry and risk being called a sissy boy, he strode towards the three and clipped them on their necks. 

"Kami-sama! Why are you getting sentimental all of a sudden? Really guys, I thought you were manly man."

"Look who's talking. You were getting misty eyed too." Takamiya retorted.

"Oh my gosh! Is our Yohei-kun getting soft?" Noma added to the insult, completely oblivious to the alarming state Yohei were in.

"Really, Yohei. I thought you would never swing that way. But I guess I was wrong. Ne,Yohei. Yohei?" Ohkusu looked at Yohei intently and noticed that the guy was turning from red to purple. Yohei can be really scary when he's angry. "RUN! He's out to kill!" At Ohkusu's warning, the trio ran for their dear life with a very mad Yohei trailing behind them. 

"GET BACK HERE YOU ASSHOLES! SOFT, HUH! I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT SOFT IS!"

But even before he could reach them, Yohei's attention was caught by a Sakura tree on the side of the road. A soft wind was rustling its branches, showering the street with hundreds of Sakura petals. Yohei smiled upward and said to a very special friend, "Arigato, Hanamichi…"

_"Oi, Yohei. What do you want for Christmas?" _

_"What a stupid question."_

_"Baka! Just answer it will you!"_

_"I thought you should know it by now, Hanamichi."_

_"Eh?"_

_"You could be thick sometimes."_

_"Yohei, I'm warning you…"_

_"Heheh, relax will you? What do I want for Christmas, huh? That's easy. I want our little group to remain together."_

_"….Yeah, me too."_


	7. Acceptance

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Whoa, Chapter 7. I've never thought I'd reach this far. Thanks for all those who gave their review. I appreciated it. Anyway, have a merry Christmas and a blessed New Year. Onward to the story!

DISCLAIMER: All legal rights and brouhaha to Slamdunk belong to Takehiko Inoue.

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"Hey, handsome. What does a cute guy like you doing in a place like this all alone?"

"Mitsui, you make a very ugly girl. That falsetto voice would scare any prospective victims rather than lure them into your charm." 

"Agh, Kogure. How can you be so mean to poor me? Wait, I think my mascara's running."

Mitsui brushed away an imaginary tear that fell from his eyes and pat his cheek as if to remove any traces of tears that marred his face. Kogure just shook his head at his team mate's antic and offered the boy to sit down. "Sit down, will you? You're embarrassing me." Kogure laughed as he pointed to the empty seat beside him. 

"Oh, now I'm really hurt. Kogure, you're such a heart breaker." Mitsui pouted and crossed his arms across his chest as he sat beside his friend. This earned another round of laughter from the bespectacled man. "Really, Mitsui. I've never thought you will swing that way."

"Eh…swing where?" Mitsui asked Kogure, confusion lining his face. Kogure looked at Mitsui as if the boy had sprouted 3 heads and 4 arms. "I never thought he's that innocent." Kogure felt his mouth dropped as he looked at Mitsui's puzzled expression. 

"Never mind." 

"Oh, ok. Anyway, I'm with Ryota and Ayako. They are just getting our orders." Mitsui paused as he saw the two approaching their table carrying a tray of food. "Speaking of the devil, here they are."

Upon seeing their beloved Megane-kun, Ryota's face broke into a cheeky smile and he greeted their former vice-captain. "Oi, Kogure-sempai, never thought I'd see you here." Ryota set down the tray on the table and pulled a seat for his beloved Aya-chan, who blushed and gave him a smile (this almost gave Ryota a massive heart attack). When he saw that Ayako was already comfortable, Ryota pulled another seat and sat beside her. 

"Sempai, fancy meeting you here. I'd thought you'll be at the library or at home right now." Ayako said as she daintily took a bite off her sandwich. 

"Well, I'd like to have a change of scenery once in a while." Kogure replied and even managed to blush at Ayako's innocent comment.

"Aw, come on now, Aya-chan – uhm, I mean Ayako," Ryota quickly said when he saw Ayako's murderous glare. "Kogure-sempai's life isn't all about books and schools. Ne, Kogure-sempai?"

Kogure blushed again and nodded at Ryota's direction. The four chatted about anything – from books to basketball to Mitsui's gayish tendencies ("That's really low Kogure!")– before the conversation turned to the subject of Hanamichi's death.

"Anou, Kogure. How's your hand?" Mitsui cautiously asked Kogure.

Kogure looked down at his bandaged hand and forced himself to look down at it lest he started to cry in front of his friends (Mitsui and Ryota no less!). An unbearable silence ensued and Mitsui was fidgeting on his seat, mentally reproaching himself for asking such a sensitive question related to Sakuragi's death. For what seemed like an eternity, the four remained quiet. Finally, Kogure found the courage to reply without him bawling like a raving lunatic.

"It's better. At least it's not hurting anymore."

"That's good. Really good. We're glad to hear it." Mitsui shifted uneasily on his seat again. He gazed from one forlorn face to the other and realized that Sakuragi had impacted them in more ways than one. He too couldn't help feeling gloomy all of a sudden. Jesus, what was he thinking!?! They came here obviously to forget and he had to open his big mouth and asked Kogure about his hand. Really brilliant, Mitsui.

But Kogure was almost thankful that Mitsui brought up the topic. There were so many things that he needed to let out in the open. 

"It's sad…sad that he had to leave us immediately." Kogure said dejectedly, not lifting his eyes from his bandaged hand. Memories of Sakuragi came flooding through his mind. Sakuragi almost quitting the basketball team. Sakuragi defending the team from Tetsuo and Mitsui. Sakuragi winning their match against Ryonan and carrying the team to the National Championship. Sakuragi telling him that this was not his last game. It all came so fast and so instantly, giving Kogure so much pain that he had never felt before. Sakuragi was like a younger brother to him. He had learned to trust himself and his skill because Sakuragi showed him that giving up was futile. But Sakuragi had forgotten to teach him how to face life when someone had been taken away from you. 

"Sempai…we miss him too."

Kogure didn't realized that he was staring blankly at his hand, with a single tear trickling down his cheek. He looked up at Ayako's concern face and smiled sadly at her. 

"It was just so fast…" Kogure said to no one in particular in the group. 

"I know." Ryota absent-mindedly replied, his usually cheerful form replaced by a gloomy atmosphere. Ayako lay her hand on top of Ryota and gave it a squeeze. Ryota gave her a small smile, his way of thanking her for the comfort she brought to this trying times. Mitsui noticed this little exchange and he couldn't suppress his own smile. If there's one good thing that Sakuragi's death had bring to their lives, it was the fact that people valued their relationship more. They were all given a push to open up to other people and showed them that they care. It was just depressing that it took the death of their team mate to realize how important their relationships were to one another.

"Tell me about it. One day, he was asking me what was my Christmas wish. The next day, I hear he was gone. That Sakuragi. He really knew how to surprise us all." Mitsui said hoping that his remark would considerably lighten up the mood. 

"Wait a minute. He asked you what was your Christmas wish?" Ryota asked Mitsui, surprised etched on his face.

"Well, yeah. I thought it was just.." but Mitsui was promptly cut off by a very surprised Kogure.

"He asked me the same thing!" Kogure said so giddily Mitsui thought he would explode.

"Hey, he asked the same thing to me! I thought he was joking so I whacked him with my fan…" Ayako sheepishly said as her face turned from white to crimson color. This elicited a loud guffaw from Mitsui and Ryota. Ayako turned even redder, if that's possible.

When Ryota got a hold of himself, he turned to address the group. "So did it mean that Sakuragi was trying to play Santa?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Kogure said as he removed his glasses to wipe away his tears.

"He's really full of surprises, isn't he? Damn, never in my life would I think Sakuragi loved Christmas that much." Mitsui shook his head in disbelief.

"So what was your Christmas wish?" Kogure asked the group. He still couldn't believe that Sakuragi took the liberty to ask each and everyone of them what do they want for Christmas. He thought the red head would use it to blackmail them if the time comes. But he guess he was wrong. He should have trusted Sakuragi more.

"Well, it's a secret. But I think I've got it already." Mitsui said as a matter-of-factly much to the chagrin of the curious three before him. Wanting to divert the attention away from him, he asked Kogure the same question. "How about you Kogure? What's your wish?"

Kogure scratched his nape as if saying he's too uncomfortable to bring his wish out in the open. "Well, I told him I wanted to go to medical school."

"Good choice. How about you Ryota, Ayako. What about your wish?" 

Ryota looked at Ayako affectionately making the girl blushed even more. "I think I got mine also."

"Yeah, me too." Ayako said as she tighten her hold on Ryota's hand, never leaving her gaze on the boy's face.

Mitsui and Kogure exchanged glances and smiled knowingly. They sensed that there will be something beautiful that is bound to happen on Ryota and Ayako. Mitsui, feeling playful all of a sudden, decided to tease the two. "Aww, snap out of it you two. You're making me sick!"

Ayako and Ryota reluctantly released their hold from each other but a smile could be seen in both of their faces. But Ryota wasn't really too keen that Mitsui interrupted his sweet moments with Ayako. "Sod off, will you! Get a life!" Ryota said quietly but almost menacingly. This just prompted Mitsui to tease the two even more. In a matter of seconds, Mitsui and Ryota were engaged in verbal war with Ayako hiding her face from the spectators in the nearby tables.

Kogure looked at the three and smiled. Yes, he knew that it would probably take time for the team to completely recover. God knows he wasn't still used to seeing the team incomplete. The gap that Sakuragi left was just too big to be completely filled by anyone. But still, the team was still together. They still shared a bond that couldn't easily be broken. And it was all because of Sakuragi Hanamichi. "Arigato, Sakuragi-kun."

********

"Haruko, dinner's ready!"

"Mom, I think Haruko's sleeping. She said they had so many school work she didn't have any energy to eat."

"Oh I see. Well, that's ok. I'll just leave some food here on the table just in case she wakes up."

Akagi watched her mother returned to the kitchen to prepare some food for Haruko. Akagi was worried. He knew that as much as Haruko looked she was alright, he knew she wasn't. Something wasn't right and it really bothered him. He too was affected by Sakuragi's death and it still pained him to returned to school without Sakuragi annoying him to high heavens. But Haruko…how could she act so normal in this dire event? He knew she was a strong girl but still, her too-normal behavior scared the living daylights out of him. "Haruko…just be strong."

Upstair, Haruko was staring at the ceiling once again. "The dream…it was getting worst." She thought as hot tears welled up in her eyes. She had the same dream again, only this time it was her who push Sakuragi into the pit. It baffled her and scared her. She could still feel Sakuragi's flesh pricking her own. It was so cold. He was so cold in her dreams. He looked at her with so much pity that she wanted to die right then and there. When she had finished burying him again, she woke up. Badly shaken and to her great surprise, full of hatred for that man who plague her dreams.

Haruko shut her eyes tightly and let her tears fell from her eyes. 


	8. There's no such thing as hate

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here comes chapter 8, people! Thank you so much for reviewing my story. It really helped me in focusing and finishing this little fic of mine. Anyway, this is the second to the last chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it. Ciao!

DISCLAIMER: Slamdunk belongs to Takehiko Inoue. The marked sentence (the one with the asterisk beside it) was from the book "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera.

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_Hate. I didn't know I was capable of that feeling. I didn't know until he went out of our lives. Just like that, he left us. And I hate him for that. I hate him for creating such a big void in our existence. And I hate him for plaguing my dreams. I want you out of my life, Sakuragi Hanamichi._

Haruko re-read what she had written in her diary and an immense amount of hatred surge through her. Her face was emotionless, her lips set in a straight line. In a few minutes, she has to go down once again and pretend that she's alright. She would put up a big smile for everyone and pretend to go on with her life. Yes, she had to act so that they wouldn't know that deep down inside, her hatred was slowly destroying her soul. 

She closed her diary, stood up from her chair and squared her shoulder. She gazed at her reflection in the mirror and saw that nothing much changed in her since his death. And yet, deep down inside, she was hoping that she would see something – anything! - that change in her. But no. She could see that she was still the same Akagi Haruko and she hated him even more.

"Haruko, are you coming down?" 

Haruko heard her brother calling in an exasperated voice. Haruko took one last glance at her self in the mirror and set her face grimly. She looked tragically beautiful in her cold, impassive state but Haruko couldn't see that. No, all that she could see was someone's blank face staring right back at her and all that she knew was she also hate this girl in the mirror .

"Haruko, are you coming down or what?"

"Yes, I'm coming!" Haruko shouted back, never removing her gaze in the mirror. She touched the mirror's surface as if trying to reach out to the girl on the other side. She stroked its surface and quietly said, "You're such a good actress, Haruko."

********

Akagi looked furiously at his watch and mumbled a curse under his breath. What in the world could be taking Haruko this long to get ready for school!?! He was pacing to and fro at their living room, absolutely livid at his sister's inconsiderateness. 

"I'm here. I'm sorry!"

Akagi looked at her sister viciously and was set to explode right at her face when he noticed something different in her. She had dark circles under her eyes and she looked pale under their bright light. All at once, Akagi's anger evaporated and was replaced by an overwhelming concern for her sister.

"Hey, are you all right?"

Haruko's heart pounded in her chest and she quickly averted her eyes from her brother's inquiring glare. "Of course, I'm all right. What made you think something's wrong with me?" she lied as she pretended to fix the clasp of her skirt.

But Akagi noticed that she was avoiding the question and she could feel his brother's eyes boring on her. She turned her eyes towards her brother once again and looked straight into his eyes, careful enough not to flinch. Haruko crossed her fingers hoping that Takenori wouldn't ask her so many questions.

Akagi's gaze darkened as he met her eye to eye, measuring the truthfulness in her reply. Haruko's inside was melting and when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, she playfully punched her brother's arm and laugh mirthfully. "Hey, you're scaring me! Come on, we're gonna be late!" Haruko hurriedly went to the front door to further avoid any inquiry that Takenori might make. She couldn't really lie to her brother. 

Akagi watched as her sister gleefully crossed their living room to open their front door and step outside. He knew something wasn't right in his sister and Kami knows he would do anything to help her solve it. But Haruko seemed to be absolute in keeping it all to her self and leaving him in the dark groping for answers. He was anxious when he saw the two circles under her eyes and Akagi knew her sister would never stay up that late for studying. Something was bothering her and it could totally destroy her.

"Oniichan, hurry up!"

Akagi was shook out of his reverie and warily picked up his bag on the sofa. Haruko would tell him when she's ready. Akagi was only hoping that she would tell him her problem soon enough before she spiraled down to self destruction.

********

"It's weird."

Akagi looked at Ayako quizzically, wondering what she meant. The team's manageress promptly elaborated what she wanted to say when she saw Akagi's creased brow. "What I mean is, your sister didn't come watch the practice again. And she was supposed to be the co-manageress!" Ayako added the last part as a joke but regretted it instantly the moment she saw Akagi's frown deepening. She hurriedly mustered an apology to appease their ex-captain. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that she's lazy or anything. It just that it has been two days since practice resume."

But Akagi just sighed and looked at the basketball in his hand. "That's all right. She really wasn't herself these past days."

Now, it was Ayako's time to be confused. "Not herself, sempai? She seems all right to me." Ayako couldn't see what was wrong with Haruko. She thought, out of all those who were very close to Sakuragi, Haruko was the one who was able to cope well about Sakuragi's early demise. Every time she sees Haruko, the girl was always surrounded by her friends Matsu and Fuuji, laughing at any jokes or whatever stories girls were supposed to talk about. "There seemed to be no problem with her." Ayako thought, pondering what Akagi meant.

"That's the problem. She's just too normal." Akagi replied as if reading her mind. 

"But isn't it better that she's acting normally and going on with her life?" 

Akagi was speechless and wondered if it's really better that Haruko was at least normal. But somehow, he couldn't stop the apprehension that he was feeling. He knew that it's not right that Haruko would cope that easily. Painfully, Akagi replied, "No."

Ayako pursed her lips and merely nodded.

********

Haruko didn't know what led her to this place. She was walking back home when she passed by the majestic gates of the cemetery and suddenly, she felt compelled to visit this place. And her foot led her to this grave site. Sakuragi's grave site to be exact.

She looked around her and found the cemetery empty. The cemetery was beautiful she had to admit. It seemed as if it jumped right out of Monet's canvass and breathed a life of its own. There were fragrant Sakura trees everywhere and the grasses were well kept. Statues of wantonly dress Greek god and goddesses adorned the place as well statues of Japanese deity. 

But she knew all of these were lies. It couldn't fool her. She knew that beneath this lovely picture was the ugly truth. The cemetery was just an ugly dump for stones and bones*. No matter how hard the living tried to beautify a place like this, it will still and always be just a place for the dead. At once, her face became impassive and she felt the cold fury that course through her vein.

Haruko was aware that she was being unfair hating someone who was dead. But she didn't give a fucking care. All that she recognized was this unspeakable hatred for Sakuragi. "You should have remained dead," Haruko started angrily, "Why then do you have to bother me? Why do you always haunt my dreams?" Haruko clenched her fist furiously. She bit into her lips and tasted the metallic tang of her blood. She was shaking with fury when her dream last night came flooding back in her mind. 

_She was in an open field and all at once she recognized that she was at the cemetery, standing in front of Sakuragi's grave.  Sakuragi was standing in front of her with that sad look in his eyes. He walked towards her and for the first time, the ghostly apparition of Sakuragi spoke to her. "Why are you killing me, Haruko?" he said to her almost accusingly. She felt herself went rigid at his 'accusation' and her blood ran cold. Before she could prevent herself, she retorted, "But you're already dead." To her horror, Sakuragi crumbled before her, leaving nothing as much as a speck._

Haruko opened her eyes and fixed her wrathful stares at Sakuragi's grave. She was clenching her hand in a fist and she could feel her fingers digging deep into her fleshy palm. She felt the blood that was seeping into the crevices of her balled fist. It's his fault. Everything that was happening to her was his entire fault. "You're dead. And I wish you would remain dead. I hate you." Haruko hissed, her every word dripping with venom. Yes, she wish he would remain dead and let her be.

"So…you hate my son…"

Haruko was startled to hear someone spoke to her. She whipped around and found Aiko Sakuragi smiling sadly. Haruko felt the color crept to her cheeks, embarrassed that Aiko had heard her vented out her frustrations. "Sakuragi-san, I…I was - "

But Aiko just held up her hand, silencing whatever Haruko was going to say. "It's all right. There's no need to explain."

Haruko wanted the ground to swallow her at that moment. She felt very small under Aiko's watchful eyes. It was one thing to hate someone's son; it was another to be heard by his mother. 

Aiko brushed past Haruko and lay a bouquet of tulips and roses on Sakuragi's grave. She closed her eyes and murmured a silent prayer for the departed soul of her son. She then opened her eyes and patted the soil lovingly, tears forming in her tired eyes. She quickly brushed them away and stood up to face Haruko. 

Haruko turned down her eyes to avoid Aiko's gaze. She felt ashamed that Aiko had to hear what she had said. 

"Haruko…" 

Haruko summoned all her courage and looked up to meet Aiko's eyes. Instead of seeing anger in the older woman's brown eyes, what she saw was the weariness and the pain of a mother going through life alone. Devoid of a husband before, now devoid of a son also. Haruko opened her mouth to speak but she didn't know what she would say. Aiko just smiled at her.

"I know what you feel, Akagi-san. I know it too well…" 

********

Meanwhile, at the Akagi residence, Akagi was still bothered by Haruko's action this past week. Sure, he knew her sister was really bubbly but there was something wrong with her. Her happiness seemed…fake. When she smiled, her eyes looked weary. It almost looked emotionless. Her sister was having an internal struggle and he couldn't do anything to help her. 

"Oh…Take-kun, would you mind bringing this sheet to your sister's bedroom? Your dad's waiting for me already outside. We'll be back by 10!" Mrs. Akagi handed her son a freshly laundered bed sheet and rushed to Mr. Akagi who was already waiting impatiently in their car.

Akagi heard their front door slammed shut and the car speeding away, telling him that his parents had already left. He sighed once again and told himself that he'll ask her sister what's the matter with her, even if it means forcing her to tell him what's bothering her these past days. 

Akagi entered her sister's bedroom and laid the sheet on the bed. Just as he was leaving, he noticed Haruko's diary on the table. Akagi knew the importance of privacy and he knew that a person's diary contained a person's personal thoughts, whether be it hateful or pleasant. But Akagi was only human and he couldn't resist the temptation of peering into the brain of his sister. 

With immense uneasiness, Akagi opened the pink notebook and read. 

_I had a dream again and my dreams were getting worse. I was back in the cemetery and there he was again, standing in front of me. He looked so sad and I could feel his gaze piercing my soul. He told me why I was killing him. But how could it be, diary. How could it be when he was dead all along? I told him that and I immediately regretted what I said. He slowly crumbled before me and when I tried to scream, I woke up. I was crying when I woke up. But it's not tears of sorrow that I was shedding. It was tears of hate. Yes, hatred for that man who left so fast and turned my life upside down._

In a fraction of a second, his forehead creased and he felt his throat went dry. What he read confirmed his suspicion. His sister was just mere playacting to hide the pain and anger she had to deal by herself. "Haruko…"

********

"I know what you feel, Akagi-san. I know it too well…" 

Haruko gasped inaudibly. She felt her throat tightening, the tears that was slowly building up at the corner of her eyes. She looked down once again to stop herself from completely breaking down. "Stop…please stop." Haruko silently pleaded. But Aiko wasn't quite finished yet.

"I know how hard it is to be left alone by someone you cared for deeply. I know the pain that it can cause on your life. I know that you can't stop thinking about them everyday and wishing that they're still alive. You can still hear them laugh, you can still see them doing what they love to do. And I know that you regret the fact that you've never treasured those moments when they were still alive because you thought it was stupid. And I know that you lie in your bed every night, fervently praying to have their stupid little antic be repeated once again. And because you know it won't happen, you started to get angry at God or whatever deity you have called. You hated Him because He took something away from you and left you incapacitated. And then after being angry with God, you'll hate those who have left you. You hate them because you thought they will stay with you forever. But they were so selfish and they left you all alone. And you hate them for it…"

"Stop! Why are you telling me this? Why…?" Haruko couldn't stop the sob that escaped from her lips. How dare her! How dare she tell her about hate. How dare she teach her what she felt at this moment! It was just pure bullshit. "Just leave me alone…please."

Aiko felt her heart was gripped with pity at Haruko's sorry state. But she knew Haruko had to understand. She had to accept that Sakuragi's death wasn't meant to hurt her. "But tell me, Haruko. What will happen when you have exhausted all your hate?"

Haruko backed away from her, as if the woman in front of her was a murderer. She looked at Aiko with pure disgust and hatred. She hates this woman! "You don't know anything! You don't know how I woke up every night crying because he invaded my dreams. You don't know the pain that I was going through because that bastard left me just when everything was perfect. How dare he destroy our lives!" Haruko slumped on the grass and cried. She felt her heart constrict with every anguish cry that escaped from her lips. She couldn't pretend to be strong anymore. And she couldn't pretend that Sakuragi's death was merely a dot on her existence.

Aiko kneeled before Haruko and held her in both shoulders. Aiko forced the younger woman to look her in the eye. "And when you are through hating God and hating those who left you…you'll realize you don't hate them. Instead, you realize you hate yourself because you couldn't stop them from dying."

Through Haruko's blurred vision, she could see that Aiko was also shedding the painful tears they both shared. At that moment, Haruko had learned what it meant to suffer. Bearing the pain of a loved one's death on your frail shoulder while carrying on with your life, yes, that was indeed suffering. At that moment, she understood everything.

"I lost a husband before and up to now, I've never forgiven myself for letting him die all alone. But I had to continue living even though the pain is killing me because someone is still in need of me. And now…" Aiko's tears were flowing freely. She could taste its salty texture on her lips and she was finding it hard to continue. But she had to. "And now…Sakuragi was gone too. Haruko, you just lost a friend. But I lost a son. That's why you have to be strong. Do you understand?"

Haruko, in spite of her distressed state, nodded and for the first time in week, smiled a genuine smile that reached her eyes. Aiko moved to embrace her and Haruko couldn't help the tears that sprang back. And they just stayed there, holding each other, reminiscing a person that they deeply and truly loved.

********

"Thank you, Sakuragi-san, for bringing her home."

"Don't mention it, Akagi-san. I guess, she really needed to sort her thoughts. I was thankful that I also saw her there."

"Thank you. I was worried about her. I don't know what will I do if…"

"She's going to be all right now. But please, take care of her."

Akagi smiled kindly at Aiko and nodded. He really didn't know the pain this woman was undergoing right now. She had lost both husband and son, and yet she remained strong all through out the challenges. How sad it is to have everything be taken away from you. How sad it is to walk through the rest of your life alone.

Aiko sadly smiled and patted Akagi's arm. "Sakuragi had a lot of good things to say about you. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to him." Akagi felt that familiar lump in his throat as he listened to this woman thanked him. He found that he was unable to speak so he merely nodded his head as a sign of recognition. Aiko smiled at him again and left. Alone in the street, Akagi felt the Christmas cold penetrating every inch of his body. He watched as the snow lazily fell from the sky, blanketing the street in a soft, white glow. Akagi thought, as he stood there, Christmas will be colder than usual.

He dragged himself back inside their house and upstairs to Haruko's bedroom. He could hear muffled sobbing inside. Akagi knocked and called to her sister hesitantly, "Ruko? May I come in?"

Akagi heard the soft click on the other side of the room and then she saw her sister peeked through the half-open door. "Yeah. I can use a company right now."

Akagi entered her room and sat on one of the chair. He found a photo album opened on her sister's bed. Upon closer inspection, Akagi saw that this album contained the pictures of the National tournament. He felt himself getting misty-eyed.

"Oniichan…did you read my diary?"

Akagi couldn't suppress the blush that tainted his cheek. Haruko giggle in spite of her tears and Akagi was thankful that she was laughing like a kid again. 

"Well…anou…eherm…I wasn't reading it. I merely glanced at it."

Haruko giggled again and teased her brother further. "Didn't mother tell you not to touch someone else's things?" Akagi blushed even more. Haruko laughed heartily but she stopped at once. Her face was marred by sadness again. "That's ok. It was rubbish anyway…"

"Haruko…" Akagi started but she was cut off by Haruko.

"Don't worry. I just realized I don't hate him. The truth is, I hate myself because he died."

Akagi moved and sat on her bed, embracing Haruko gingerly. If he only found out sooner, she didn't have to undergo through this painful process. And he was called an older brother.

"Oniichan, I know you're blaming yourself," Akagi was surprised at how easily his sister could read him. "Don't. It's not your fault I was stupid. Besides, it's not like I'm going to jump off the bridge or something."

In spite of the situation, Akagi couldn't suppress a laugh. Leave it to his sister, to joke around at a time like this. "Why are you angry, anyway?" he asked.

Haruko shrugged her shoulders and in a broken voice, told Akagi the truth, "I don't know. I guess it's because I've never asked him what his Christmas wish was. I felt guilty that I didn't do anything to make him happy."

"So he also asked you his Christmas wish?"

"Yeah. I didn't tell him because it's about Rukawa." Haruko turned a bit crimson but she continued, "Why?"

"He seemed to have asked each and every member what was theirs." Suddenly, Haruko became quiet all of a sudden. Akagi feared that he had said something wrong. But to his relief, Haruko spoke up.

"That what makes it sadder. He won't be around to know if our Christmas wishes come true."

"That's where you're wrong." Haruko looked up at her brother quizzically as he retrieved a small notebook from his side and flipped it to a certain page.

 "Have you ever wondered what Sakuragi's wish was?" 

Haruko shook her head because she had never bothered to ask him. "I wish I did…" Haruko remorsefully said.

Akagi's face broke into a smile and went closer to her side. He then pointed to a passage in the notebook. From what she saw, this was Sakuragi's handwriting. Haruko gazed at her brother in amazement. 

"Aiko-san gave it to me. She told me Sakuragi would have wanted you to have this."

Haruko read the passage Akagi pointed at her and it made her cry once again.

_I've already asked them what they wanted for Christmas. Yes, even that baka-kitsune. You just don't know how this tensai tried his very best not to retch at that kitsune-otoko's sight. Yes, I even asked my beloved Haruko-chan ("Beloved? Is there something I should know?" Akagi just scratches his head)__. Too bad, she didn't tell me what it is. I hope I could do something for them. But I'm broke. Damn it…. I wish I could all make their wishes come true._

"From what I heard…all of their wishes came true."

Haruko buried her head on her brother's shoulder so that he wouldn't see her crying and smiling at the same time. "Hanamichi…thank you very much." 

That night, Haruko dreamed peacefully in her sleep.

_"Haruko."_

_Haruko turned around and found Sakuragi smiling at her. They were in the Shohoku basketball court and she was happy to see him in the way she always remembered Sakuragi. Happy, full of mirth, and lively._

_"Sakuragi-kun…"_

_"Thank you, Haruko."_

_Haruko moved to reach out to Sakuragi but she caught herself in time. It's better this way she said to herself. Instead, she gave him a smile and she was glad to see him smile her way. Sakuragi gave her a thumbs up and boasted, "You know I'll always be there for you." Haruko nodded, too overwhelm to speak. _

_He gave her a jovial wave before turning around and finally stepping out of the door. Haruko stood at the middle court with a big smile on her face and tears streaming down her cheek. Alone inside the court, she noticed how bright this day seemed to be. She could hear the birds chirping outside. She could see the sunshine that bathed the court. And in this serenity, Haruko had felt an odd happiness and sadness*._

_ "I'm going to miss you, Hanamichi." She picked up a basketball and hugged it closed to her chest. "Sayonara, Hanamichi."    _


	9. Epilogue: Full Circle

AUTHOR'S NOTE: First and foremost, I would like to thank you all for supporting my fic, especially those who have given me their reviews and constructive criticisms. I've become a better writer because of you. Hopefully, you'll support my other fic as well now that this story has finally reaches it end. Thank you very much and have fun!

DISCLAIMER: Slamdunk is the legal property of Mr. Takehiko Inoue.

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I breathed the cool evening air as I stood outside the Shohoku basketball court. I looked around me and marveled that nothing much changes in this place. There's still the main building of the campus where I had spent three years of my high school life. The court looks the same except that it was slightly refurbished three years ago to make it more modern. The school had installed a new electronic scoreboard as well as fiberglass backboards. But all in all, it was still the same high school building where I had spent my happy teenage years.

I closed my eyes and breathed in the fresh air gently blowing tonight. Has it been ten years already since I graduated from high school? I felt so old beyond my years. But standing here outside, with my eyes closed and the wind gently playing with my hair, I was a carefree teenage girl once again. And I could see so clearly in my mind what I had went through during my stay here in Shohoku high. The pain of losing a dear friend, the agony of defeat, the joy of first love and first kiss, the misery of falling out of love, the happiness of finally winning the National tournament. I had experienced all of these and it had created the person that I am today. A little less whiny and a little more knowledgeable on the facts of life. 

"Hey, what are you doing here outside?"

I opened my eyes and found myself looking straight into a pool of blue eyes. "Nothing. I just need some fresh air." I smiled and fumbled at his collar. I could see that Kaede didn't trust what I said so I jokingly scrunched my face and pretended to be angry at him. 

"What? You don't believe your wife, Rukawa Kaede?" I teased him and he gave a small laugh. 

"Who ever gave you the idea that I don't believe you?" he took both of my hands and kissed me lightly on the forehead. I giggled and put my head on his chest and just stayed like that. I really loved being embraced by Kaede because I could smell his scent. There's no other word to describe it but manly. It suited him. 

"You know, they might be wondering where you are. It won't be a reunion without our ex-co-manageress there. Maybe, you should come inside?" Kaede prodded me all the while giving me light kisses on top of my head. 

Reluctantly, I broke the embraced and shook my head. "No…I think I'll stay here for a short while."

He sighed and jokingly rolled his eyes. It was his way of saying he gave up convincing me but still, I playfully punched him on the arm. He rubbed the spot where I had hit him and I was a little worried that I might have hurt him. "I'm sorry. Does it hurt?" I closed the distance between us and he quickly, but lightly, grabbed me behind and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. I closed my eyes instinctively and just let that warm glow suffused me. 

He broke the kiss just when I thought I might die because of lack of air (not that I didn't enjoy that kiss). "I'll wait for you inside, ok?" he whispered huskily and went back to the court. I smiled as I watched the retreating back of my husband.

Even though we were married for two years already, I still couldn't believe that Rukawa Kaede was my husband. If you have told me ten years ago that I would end up happily married to Rukawa Kaede, I would have said you're mental. But I guess I was the one who was mental. Thinking about it now, I really still couldn't figure out how we had ended up together.

It was during at the lowest point in my life when I was so depressed about Hanamichi's death. I was in dire need of a friend who could understand what I was going through when suddenly Kaede approached me. He told me that maybe I could help him understand Hanamichi because he had never really taken the time to know his team mate better. The surprising thing was, I didn't blush nor fidget at his presence. I felt actually normal and relieved that somehow I had found someone I could share my thoughts. In fact, the prospect of Kaede and I becoming a couple was out of my mind. I had already given up on that.

 He was still an Ice King back then but we miraculously became good friends. It really took quite sometime before he warmed up to me. I really thought that friends were all we ever could be. And I frankly, I was contented with that. Until one day, my Christmas wish came back to my mind. It was so odd, really. I've never told Sakuragi what it was and I thought I had forgotten it. It was during my senior year in Shohoku when the basketball team finally won the National tournament. There were great jubilation in school and the team members were treated like gods. Especially Kaede because he was the captain during that year and he was also the number 1 player in Japan. When amidst the celebration, he came to me out of nowhere and gave me a hug. He whispered his thanks and when he finally let me go, he smiled at me. And at that moment, my wish came racing back to my mind. 

Yes, you guess it. My only wish was for him to smile at me and I knew everything would be all right. But there was something in his smile at that time. And I felt that all too familiar palpitation and weak knee dilemma of a girl in love. I think he felt that too because as they like to say, the rest was history. I became Mrs. Rukawa Kaede on my 26th year of living here on earth. Although, I would like to say that we were rolling in money because Kaede was a member of the All-Japan team, it wasn't the case. He had played college basketball and even then, he was already receiving offer to play for the team. But he politely declined it. When I asked him years ago why he turned down such a wonderful offer, he told me that there's more to life than basketball and I was never more proud of him because of it. Instead of becoming a national player, he became a software developer in one of Japan's largest software company. We were living comfortably as husband and wife without the added pressure of the media hounding us.

I was distracted from my thoughts from the noise inside. I saw my husband being ribbed mercilessly by Ryota and Mitsui. Kaede was turning redder by the minute and he looked at my direction helplessly. I laughed at him and he turned even more crimson. I think Ryota and Mitsui saw our little exchange and they found an opportunity to make fun of my husband. I couldn't blame them though. Kaede had really changed a lot from his cold attitude when I first met him. It really took a lot of effort to break that cold barrier around him and brought out the warm and loving husband I now have. 

I laughed even more when Ayako whipped her fan out of nowhere and slapped Ryota harshly. Ryota was giving her his puppy eye look and I saw Ayako was on the verge of laughter. I shook my head at the couple's antic display. Nothing much changed in them. Come to think of it. Nothing much changed in all of us. We might look older but we're still the same wacky bunch who made each other's life a living hell.

Ryota might have grown taller but he was still a natural comic. He and Ayako were married for 4 years now and they already have 3-year old twins. Ryota was a manager for Kid's Incorporated, a company that catered to kid's need. Ayako, on the other hand, was a fashion designer for trendy kids and moms. Out of the Shohoku basketball members, they were the richest. And although they were denying that they're rich , it's really hard to accept it when you saw their Jaguar parked outside. I couldn't suppress a smile when Ayako finally gave in to her laughter and she was being cuddled by Ryota. "Those two…they're like kids."

My gaze turned to Mitsui, who was now teasing Ryota (helped by my husband this time). Mitsui graduated with a degree in Psychology and he was a guidance counselor and basketball coach here in Shohoku. He was fast becoming a legend at school because of the number of troubled kids he had already helped. They were tough, he told us once. But he was tougher being an ex-gangster himself. He understood what those kids were feeling and he was using his experience as an ex-gang member to help those kids straighten their life. If he's not leading kids to the right path, he was busy leading the school to the Nationals. Under Mitsui's tutelage, the basketball team was Interhigh champions for 5 years in a row and won the National tournament thrice. What was more surprising was that each basketball team members had a GPA of 3 and above out of the possible 5. Mitsui was a stern coach and he was adamant that his boys were not only good in sports but in academics as well. 

Suddenly, there was another crash beside the ringside and I saw my brother giving the gundan, except for Yohei, a whack on the head. I cringed at my brother's 'cruelty' but laughed at the image of the gundan holding their throbbing head. My brother was the one who was playing for the All-Japan team. He was known as "The Monster" because of his menacing presence under the ring. He was the highest paid center in the league and was scouted to play for the NBA years ago. Just like what Kaede did, he turned down the offer and settled to donned the national colors. 

I saw Kogure politely laughing at the side and managed to get the ire of the three gundan. Kogure was a successful neurosurgeon here in Japan and abroad. He had performed numerous surgeries, most of it for free. We always knew that our ex-vice captain had a good heart and he seemed to be happy that he's using his skills to be of help to others. God knows the world needs more people like him.

The guffawing gundan on the other hand had set up their own business and were very successful. They were the owners of a large chain of store retailing all the latest hi-tech gadgetry. Next to Ryota and Ayako, they were the richest. We couldn't even comprehend how much they're worth because the gundan also had a large number of stocks in the stock market. "Who would have thought that this crazy bunch of friends would be worth million of dollars?" I mused to myself and scanned the area once more. My eyes fell on the aging form of Anzai-sensei. With immense sadness, I watched as the feeble figure of Coach Anzai approached Mitsui. He was getting weak and I couldn't help but feel that this might be the last time we could be with the legendary Shohoku coach. His steps were getting slower and he needed to be assisted by his wife. I smiled at the memory of a mentor who had an immense trust on his players and played the role of a father figure to all of us. I felt that lump in my throat when I thought of the possibility that we might never hear his cheerful laugh once again. I watched as he reached Mitsui and grasped the younger man's hand tightly. He looked so frail and I couldn't stop a few tears that fell from my eyes.

Standing here outside the court, I gazed at my friends lovingly. They looked so happy and contented with their life. I watched as each of their faces broke into a smile and I couldn't help getting sad. I wonder, what would Sakuragi be if he hadn't passed away so early in his life? He might be successful and rich also like his gundan or Ryota. Better yet, he could be playing for the All-Japan team like my brother. The possibilities were boundless and it was so sad that he was never given the opportunity to explore all of them. I was really depressing to think that Sakuragi was devoid of a chance to grow up and follow his dreams. To us, Sakuragi would always remain that young, energetic 16-year old that graced our lives.

Looking at my friends' cheerful faces, I felt once again that odd happiness and sadness many years ago in my dream. Happiness because we are still together celebrating life. Sadness because I know this happy picture may not happen again. I look at Anzai-sensei's weak form to my husband's strong figure and I thought we all have come full circle. We lived our life the way we wanted to live and we never regretted it. Just like I know Sakuragi never regretted anything that he had done on his time here on earth. Wherever he is, I know Sakuragi is happy that we have come through every trial and came out strong. 

I felt a cold wind brushed past me and I smiled. Yes, I know he's still here. He won't be easily forgotten by each of us because he touched our lives in many ways imaginable. Up to know, we could still feel his presence and we are very grateful for that.

I saw my husband motioning me to come inside and I ran to his embrace. 

"Hey, what took you so long?" Kaede kissed me on the cheek and I felt a tingle went up to my spine.

"I was just thinking…" I replied nonchalantly even though my eyes were glistening with tears. I hid my face in his chest again, not caring if Kaede thought I was acting weird. I looked up to him and said, "Did I ever tell you that I love you?"

"Once or twice." I pouted jokingly and he laughed at me. He kissed me gingerly on the lips once again and a small, contented sigh escaped from my lips. I was still looking at him and I could see that he was wondering what I am up to.

"What? Is there something wrong with my face?"

I couldn't suppress a small giggle at Kaede's frown. He's thinking that I'm turning mental. "No…it just that…honey, how would you like to set up a nursery in our home?"

I was stopping myself not to laugh at the many phases my husband's face went through. From blank to horror to surprise and finally, pure happiness. "You mean…you are…I am…" he stammered while holding me tighter. I felt the tears welled up to my eyes as I could only managed a nod. "I really love you, do you know that?" Kaede asked as he enveloped me in a loving embrace. Even though my throat was too tight to speak, I still managed to blurt out something. "Once or twice…" Kaede laughed as he held me tighter and I buried my face on his chest.      

"Ok, ok. We get the picture that you love each other. Now cut it out!" Mitsui laughed as he tried to separate us apart. This elicited a round of healthy laugh from the group and even though I was a bit embarrassed, I joined in the laughter as well. Kaede was giving Mitsui the glare that could freeze hell anytime. Leave it to my husband to deal with Mitsui.

"Let the countdown begin!" Ryota shouted to us. We started counting as loud as we can, in between laughing and chortling. 

"Three...two…one! Merry Christmas!"

All at once, there was a barrage of hugging and kissing and it took me sometime before I returned to my husband's side once again. He hugged me from behind and I contentedly lay my head on his broad chest. I stared at my friends trading jokes and cheers and gifts this Christmas day. They looked so happy. We were all so happy that I couldn't prevent the tears that fell from my eyes.

I felt Kaede kissed the top of my head. "Thank you." I murmured sleepily.

"For what?"

"For being here…" Kaede released his embrace and turned me around. I smiled at him through my tear stained eyes and I watched as he brushed my tears away. This time, I was the one who embraced him and nestled myself in his strong arms. I felt Kaede heaved a sigh of contentment himself and I smiled. 

"Merry Christmas, Haruko."

"Merry Chrismas, Kaede."

I buried myself deeper in his embrace and sent a silent greeting to someone very dear to all of us.

_"Merry Christmas, Sakuragi."     _


	10. Author's Postscript

AUTHOR'S POSTSCRIPT

Hey there fellow writers and reviewers! I've decided to add this little postscript to thank YOU for making it possible for me to finish "Merry Christmas, Sakuragi". I also thought that this postscript may be of help to clear up some events in my story and answer some of your questions. 

**First, a big thank you to the following people:**

Sharon: Girl, that's so sweet of you to say that I touched your heart string. I never even considered that my fic would make such a big impact. Thanks.

Lotus: Er, yeah. You saw your name on my fic. I sort of plagiarize it because of lack of creative idea. 

RK: Honey, you just made my day when I'd read what you said about my fic. I think my ego just got bloated, if that's still possible.

Rook: I hope you like my piece about Haruko. My head really hurts just delving into her mind. And though I wish that I could have put more of Rukawa's thoughts regarding Hana-kun's death, I just couldn't do it. Frankly, I don't like Rukawa so I couldn't really assume what he would feel. That goes also to Ryota, Ayako, and Akagi. I just can't dig deep in to these character's thoughts.

dr_jigepuff@edsamail.com.ph: I've finished it! I hope you had enjoyed reading it as much as I'd enjoyed writing it.

Kraci: Thanks for the support, girl. Read my other fic too. Lord Sakuragi (though that one's pale in comparison with this fic)

Tina Caps: Oh, I hope I didn't make you too sad. ^_^

sLL: 4 reviews. Thank you so much! I'm happy that you're supporting my fic. Don't worry, next time, I'll make sure I've completely edited my fic so that there would be less grammar mistakes. And about Mitsui's wish, I think it's on chapter 4: Reconnecting Ties. I appreciated your comments. Support my future fics, too!

Ayu: The succeeding chapters were less angsty, don't you think? Thanks love! Yes, you're right. I kind of let the fic stagnate *sheepish smile*. 

Magenta blues: My ego's totally bloated right now. Thanks. I was really resolute that my fic won't be overly sentimental Except for Chapter 8. I was thinking of my dead dog when I wrote that part. I injected my own feelings to bring out the sufferings felt by Haruko and Aiko. Yeah, yeah I know. To use the memory of my dead dog to cause my creative juices running. Sheesh.

Jo-sen7: Hmmm, it seems like many readers like my bit on Mitsui's thoughts. *lol* It took me two days to finish that chapter. I'm happy you like it.

Kristel: It turned out better in the end! Thanks for the support.

Ayce Shade: Thank you for reading my fic. I hope you enjoyed it immensely.

Keax-XV: You too, dear…4 reviews! Awww, I'm touched that you like my ficcie to give 4 reviews. Hmmm, maybe you're right. Maybe hate does really exists. But in Haruko's case, she didn't really hate Hana-kun. She was just guilty and dwelling on it so much. I guess we all went through that phase also some point in our life.

Keaxy: Why does Haruko hates Sakuragi? Now you know ^_~

Shinichimaki-gal: It's not that sad, isn't it love? Happy reading. Nice fic too by the way. I was just too lazy to review (I know, I know. Shoot me right now *sweatdrop*)

Diwata: You hate me! You really hate me! *lol* I hope your mom didn't think you'd become mental because of my fic. As for RuHaru, I'm actually a HanaHaru fan. I just think that in this fic, Rukawa and Haruko should turn to each other for moral support (the one being cold to Sakuragi while the other was very close). Besides, don't we all love it when the girl gets his guy? 

**I'm sure I have forgotten someone, so just in case, a BIG thank you to the rest of you!**

********

Ok, now that I'm finish expressing my gratitude to people, I think it's time to clear up some things:

Haruko's dreams – I've read somewhere that dreams are actually a manifestation of our subconscious. According to psychoanalysts, the images in our dreams are representations of some events or things in our life (i.e. according to Freud, water is actually a representation of a person's sexual desires). In Haruko's case, the progressive worsening of her dreams (from simply burying Sakuragi to pushing him in his own grave to the last dream in which he crumbled right in front of her) signifies her escalating anger. The dreams in the story weren't supernatural (even the last dream isn't connected to paranormal events) rather it was a manifestation of Haruko's feeling regarding Sakuragi's death (God, I sound like a teacher). 'The odd happiness and sadness' and 'The cemetery is just a dump for stones and bones' – These sentences are shamelessly plagiarized from Milan Kundera's "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" (good book, hard read). I was actually thinking along the line of Kundera's philosophy when I was writing this fic. Kundera was saying that since we only have one life, human beings are light. But since we have one life, we are also heavy. Confused? Don't worry, I was too. This is where the odd happiness and sadness enter. Since we only have one life, Kundera also said that man could never be truly happy because happiness is a longing for repetition. Man does not long for repetition and they seek for something better. Man's life moved in a straight line, thus we could never returned to that point in our life in which we're happy nor we could say that at this point in time, we were extremely happy. Haruko felt that mixture of happy and sad because she understood (on my fic at least) that even though they were happy, she knew that it could have been better if Sakuragi was there also. And yet, she also understood that she could never really tell if they would become truly happy. She knew that their happiness might not return again so she savored this moment. 

**That's it. That's all I wanted to say. I'm wishing and hoping that you'll support my other fics as well. Thank you very much!    ******


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